Forgiving- An Art?

Before I get down to the core of what I am about to discuss here, I’d like to draw a small analogy narrated to me by someone.

The teeth and the tongue reside in the same mouth. Sometimes the tooth bites the tongue. Yet, the tongue does not retaliate, and the two continue to dwell harmoniously in the same mouth. That’s the art of forgiveness.

Talk about forgiving, and what’s the first thing that jumps to the minds of those of us who love to hold onto our grudges? It’s the supposedly intelligent argument that “I won’t allow the other person to live in the blissful thought that they have been forgiven.”

Why?

Because according to us, its equivalent to allowing a criminal walk scott-free. But we’re so busy focusing on what the other person derives out of being forgiven, that we forget ourselves in the process.

Do you or do you not gain something by forgiving someone?

The above argument portrays a very narrow scope of thought. And it is this misconception that I’m attempting to dispel. It’s not your self-respect that you’re holding in place by employing this argument; it’s your ego. And it’s the very thing that’s holding you down, not propelling you forwards towards a better tomorrow. By not forgiving someone, are we or are we not holding back a part of ourselves as well in the process? And if we’re not here to get on and get ahead, then why are we here? And in the process of getting ahead, what is it that stops you from spreading a little cheer and exercising a little forgiveness every once in a while?

Smiles are meant to be shared and spread, not kept to oneself like a jar of cookies.

Getting back to the part about there being something for you in the process of forgiving someone – why does it matter that the other person derives the pleasure of knowing that he/she is forgiven when there’s just as much pleasure, if not more, to be enjoyed by you as well? Pleasure in the form of peace of mind and the knowledge that you’ve made someone smile…it’s something similar to that miniature dose of ecstasy that you derive by feeding that beggar on the street and seeing him smiling at you in gratitude.  

Why focus on the other person and miss out on your share of fun?

Think of yourself sometimes.

They say “daag acche hote hain” (Some stain/mark is good sometimes) …I say it’s good to be selfish sometimes.

And yes, to the one I'm thinking about- I forgive you! And to the one's whom I've hurt, I'm sorry, please forgive me! 

A Letter I'd Never Send.

Dear Whomsoeverthismayconcern,

I wouldn't know how to start this no matter how hard I thought, because this is so important to me. Why, you may ask? I'd like to start explaining a certain philosophy if I may call it, that I was told once. Scientific theories, technical glitches can all be explained, but there's one thing that cannot be explained sometimes not matter how hard you try and that is emotions.We feel so many things. We have so many emotions. We develop a million prejudices. I want to tell you about emotions, about our society, about what I've understood, and about what I'm yet to understand.

We all phase problems. All of you have gone through this phase in your life where you felt very down because of someone or something. Its only natural. But have you ever felt that this particular issue builds up on you and just over powers you? It begins to creep on you and rule your world? Happens. You feel agitated, irritated and more like punching someone so hard. It all just happens. But this stupid overpowering thing, should be nipped when its still not fully grown. Kill it, cut it, get rid of it. Show it that you are stronger.

This world is a male dominant one. Men are utmost important. In our society, a widow or a divorcee is always looked down upon. People don't consider what happens to a woman when she is put through so much torture. When she is looked down upon by the society. Men, get away with all the mistakes they make only because no one cares. Do they ever see, what it has taken the women to get justice? Do they try to understand why she did  what she did? No. Of course not. What if a lady makes the same mistakes? She'd be punished severely. That is the state of our society. And it always has been, it'll change, provided 'miracles happen'. 

Whomsoeveritmayconcern, I'm telling you, this world is a confused place. It is so damn confusing that one day you might wonder what your doing here. Everyone is selfish. Everyone is self centered in our world. People only care about themselves. But there is one person, I can tell you, who you CAN trust. She will love you to her hearts extent, she'll give you all that she has and still not want anything. She's your mother. Honestly, mothers are like a form of God on earth. They are probably the only politically right people as you may call it. You might say she loves your sibling more, or whatever, but actually she is capable of giving equal love to everyone. Value her. 

Recently a friend of mine, her mother passed away. And believe me, it was rather sudden. No one expected it. Its rather shocking. I had tears in my eyes when I heard the news. What I wondered was, how on earth would my friend be able to stand straight? How on earth would she be able to breathe when her mom isn't? I can't imagine. Its the world's saddest thing, and people who make it through are the strongest ones. Hats off. 

Okay, this letter wasn't meant to scare you away or anything. Nor is it depressing, its just facts. And things I wanted to tell you Whomsoeveritmayconcern. Its just how the world tends to be when you look through a magnifying glass. 

There are other sides to the world too. Happy ones. Sometimes it gives you all that you want. You feel overwhelmed, joyous, like the happiest person alive. For a kid, a candy makes her feel that happiness, for you it may be love and for some others it might be material. Happiness is subjective. What I may find happy might not make you happy. Just how in economics they say, what 'goods' I find harmful, you may find useful.

Now, how to achieve happiness. 

I've learnt, there are two types of happiness. 

-The small happiness

-The big happiness.

Explaining in detail, the small happiness is basically the momentary or short period of time wala happiness. It lasts for a small time. This type of happiness can be : the happiness we get when we buy a phone or when we eat our favourite food.

The big happiness on the other hand is this particular thing that gives you 'happy' (like its a medicine or something) so much that your world is made. Its like achieving this happiness is tough. Trust me discovering what can give you this itself takes ages, getting to it will take a few more ages. But its all worth it. Let me tell you a secret, we were all born to find this thing that makes us super happy and our aim in life is actually to achieve it. 

There are certain people that have achieved this happy, but are still not happy. Now lets not talk about such people.

So let me conclude this letter by saying the world is a confused place. An this was just the beginning. There's a hell lot more I'd like to say. We'll see about that in the next letter to come.

Till next time.

Lots of Love,

Yours truly,

Lyana.