Picking Up the Pieces

Another thing I've learnt, is letting go. For every time I succeed in doing something, there are a couple of things I fail at - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.


Sometimes, it's just so frustrating, when you've worked your ass off to orchestrate something, only to be greeted with a very pathetic reply from your peers. Cricket sounds fill the air as I try not to let my anger boil over. You know, it's oh-so encouraging, to see you guys give me such awarm response and so much thoroughly constructive feedback.


But then again, most people do not comprehend the energy that goes into producing a great final product. Things like writing newspaper articles, emcee-ing and pulling off the orientation day, producing videos, public speaking etc took up so much effort, but at most they garnered a half-hearted skim by the reader, a few slight laughs from the audience, a bleary-eyed viewing, a bit of applause...


There are days when I feel like there is no point at all in doing these. No point in going to such lengths to plan and organise and bring things together.


But those are also the days when I realise that perhaps that encouraging smile, that satisfied nod, that pat on the back ... make everything worth it after all. In my idealistic pursuit of perfectionism, contentment is a moving target. But I need to learn how to view things differently.


It's inevitable that not many will understand the way I do things, nor be able to follow my train of thought. They just see a crazy girl who's wasting her time running around doing useless things. But they never realise that without that stupid girl's work, there would be no useless things to enjoy. Events don't just come together on their own.


What people fail to understand is the mere fact that organizing an event is not an easy thing to be done. No,I'm not complaining about the job. It is something I love, and I choose to do. It is the only profession I love besides anything to do with my law carrier in the future. I love getting to know people, I love having a large network of friends, I love how I get along with the friends from other races and religions, and surely how working with people from the opposite gender (and "others") enables me to learn about the world.  Yes, yes, the pay doesn't meet to your daily expectations, your allowance seems higher than your basic salary.  Hush! Again, it's not done for the money. It's for the passion and love.


Meetings aren't conjured from the tip of one's wand. Tokens of appreciation don't just buy, decorate and deliver themselves. The world would not function without idiots like us. 
I really, really want to believe that it's the genuine thought of mine that counts; not the indifferent glances of my so-called friends. It's just that in this wild, wide world, sometimes, being under-appreciated just feels a bit ... lonely.


Oh life, why are you so fond of confusing me as such?


I just need to take a break from all these, and give it a rest. Breathe, Lyana. Breathe